I feel guilty...

The tragic incident of terrorists’ attack on Army Public School and College, Peshawar took me fifteen years back. It was my first full time job at APSAC Boys Wing, Rawalpindi. My mother was a teacher and she was my inspiration. I was trying to be just like her. On the one hand  I was a friend of my students and they could share their troubles with me; but on the other hand I was a strict teacher who does not compromise on quality of work and discipline. Discipline in my own brought up and in my classroom never meant, silence but it meant to speak and act in such a way that everyone may get equal opportunity. Army Public Schools have had a rich culture of academic and non-academic curricular activities. We had students week each year in which the boys showed such a remarkable performance in games, Qirrat, Naat khwani, debates, and quizzes. I was a housemistress as well and I cannot forget the way my innocent students used to look at me with their cups, trophies and certificates in hands.

APSACs are the institutions where children are transformed into responsible citizens. From primary school level to higher secondary each child is not just taught subject matter but prepared to be an active and conscientious part of the society. By the time they pass out from middle schools almost all of them have made up their minds about their future fields of study and work. These kids are growing up with a training of conscious decision making. I cannot forget my discussions with my students who were in middle school when I was teaching there. Those boys used to make me re-think my own philosophy of life. They were critical about what is happening in the society and they were ready to go out and bring a change.

I have many of my APSAC students and other students from different institutions on my facebook page “Leaders of Tomorrow”. I titled this page “Leaders of Tomorrow” because this is how Quaid e Azam used to address the students. I keep looking at the profiles of my students as they have now become early professionals and are proving their skills in different practical fields. Among all this enlightening experience of seeing my kids growing into active and effective members of society here comes a black day. Dec 16,2014 was day that makes mere-think of all that I have been doing and believing. I still believe the students in schools are the leaders of tomorrow but I painfully admit that we were unable to prepare a society outside these schools that may be able to nurture this leadership. Outside the schools we have let this belief develop that killing and brutality is justified. We have not been able to secure the students studying inside the schools from the barbarians still living among us. We have failed to save our future and we let them kill our “Leaders of Tomorrow”! (I feel guilty, I really do.)