I feel guilty...

The tragic incident of terrorists’ attack on Army Public School and College, Peshawar took me fifteen years back. It was my first full time job at APSAC Boys Wing, Rawalpindi. My mother was a teacher and she was my inspiration. I was trying to be just like her. On the one hand  I was a friend of my students and they could share their troubles with me; but on the other hand I was a strict teacher who does not compromise on quality of work and discipline. Discipline in my own brought up and in my classroom never meant, silence but it meant to speak and act in such a way that everyone may get equal opportunity. Army Public Schools have had a rich culture of academic and non-academic curricular activities. We had students week each year in which the boys showed such a remarkable performance in games, Qirrat, Naat khwani, debates, and quizzes. I was a housemistress as well and I cannot forget the way my innocent students used to look at me with their cups, trophies and certificates in hands.

APSACs are the institutions where children are transformed into responsible citizens. From primary school level to higher secondary each child is not just taught subject matter but prepared to be an active and conscientious part of the society. By the time they pass out from middle schools almost all of them have made up their minds about their future fields of study and work. These kids are growing up with a training of conscious decision making. I cannot forget my discussions with my students who were in middle school when I was teaching there. Those boys used to make me re-think my own philosophy of life. They were critical about what is happening in the society and they were ready to go out and bring a change.

I have many of my APSAC students and other students from different institutions on my facebook page “Leaders of Tomorrow”. I titled this page “Leaders of Tomorrow” because this is how Quaid e Azam used to address the students. I keep looking at the profiles of my students as they have now become early professionals and are proving their skills in different practical fields. Among all this enlightening experience of seeing my kids growing into active and effective members of society here comes a black day. Dec 16,2014 was day that makes mere-think of all that I have been doing and believing. I still believe the students in schools are the leaders of tomorrow but I painfully admit that we were unable to prepare a society outside these schools that may be able to nurture this leadership. Outside the schools we have let this belief develop that killing and brutality is justified. We have not been able to secure the students studying inside the schools from the barbarians still living among us. We have failed to save our future and we let them kill our “Leaders of Tomorrow”! (I feel guilty, I really do.)

Is this Democracy?

I have heard many institutional as well as national leaders claiming to be Democratic Leaders. It is then so interesting to hear how they describe democracy. What I heard most recently from an institutional leader was that "I am democratic as I always go with the majority". It was a point of critical and deeper analysis for me. Is that all what democracy and democratic leadership means...to go with majority??? Is it so? that a true democrat never thinks of a minority opinion even it is a wiser one? I think this definition of Democracy is very limited."I asked my friend google to give me a definition and it gave me a definition as following 
"a system of government by the whole population or all the eligible members of a state, typically through elected representatives."
I then started looking for institutional democracy and could not find anything that I could give here for ready reference. Ok I stop this blog  here and see what you all have to tell me regarding Democracy; Democratic Approach and Institutional Democracy. Just to give you a deeper thought I refer to what Quaid e Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah was saying to the British Govt. Wasn't it about including a minority into decision making or giving them the right to chose for themselves ... So was it not a democratic demand???
..please give your views in the comments. 

Hope makes us go on...

Once we realize that a tough time is only temporary, this realization makes it easier for us to go through most difficult phases of life. Helping my mother go through her toughest phase of paralysis has made me learn what hope means. She is sleeping in her room after taking breakfast and medicine. All she is striving for is her better tomorrow. She goes through pains and all the tough exercises only because she believes this is going to be over soon. She is hopeful and has a belief that Allah will grant her health. She wants to lead her life as independently as she always did.

I can see a hope in her eyes when she re-gains any of her lost abilities. she now sits without a support for 7-10 minutes and this sense of achievement makes her believe that she can do more. She now stands up on her feet with the help of two people but once she stepped her feet on the floor she looked at me and smiled as if saying "see i did it"...

When I see her fighting with her sickness and weakness I cannot believe my eyes a woman in her age of seventy who has had diabetes, hypertension, seasonal asthma, nervous tension and minor angina and already a left hip replaced ten years ago...is striving to live a healthy life again. All that makes her strive is her hope

Yes a ray of light at the end of the tunnel helps us walk through the darkness...!

A woman of values and will

She is nearly seventy. She had a stroke and is bed ridden for last three weeks. She looks around and tries to recognize the room. Her brain is working but she tends to forget little things like where is she, what time of day it is and why is she unable to sit up by herself.

She has had a life full of struggle. She has been a strong nerved woman. Her father died when she was doing her undergrad. She earned B.Ed and taught English in a Federal Government School and supported her family with other brothers n sisters too. She loved her work and was so professionally committed that once when she was sick her sister offered to mark examination papers for her; she replied "mujh se haram nahi khaya jata" (I cannot earn illegal money). She has been a woman of strong values and will.

She got married into a traditional family. Leaving her work for her home was her own decision that she made keeping in view family traditions of in-laws. She had three kids - two sons and a daughter (i.e.me).  She gave almost twenty years to her home and kids with such devotion that people gave examples of her household, upbringing of her kids and fabulous skills of managing a home in affluent as well as poor conditions. She was known for her marvelous cooking skills, her remarkable taste in literature, and above all her human friendly nature.  All my friends became her friends as soon as they met her. Females of the family looked up at her as a symbol of strength and dignity. Men around her respected her for her graceful personality. My paternal uncles used to call her "bhabhi" in such a loving tone as if they were talking to their own elder sister/mother.

She joined a semi-government school in Rawalpindi to teach once again, only when me the youngest child had finished secondary school. She worked like a workaholic. She was still managing home and never letting her personal and professional life get into conflict. She was known at school as a strict but loving teacher. We know her as a strict but loving mother. I have no idea how she has had such balanced approach developed.It was her who taught me how to be a woman of values and will. She transferred the best possible knowledge and values but she also kept telling me not to let anyone be a dictator in my life. She kept teaching me the best lessons of life. She groomed her kids in a way that all of us become strong but sensitive enough. She helped us face the world with confidence and courage. She clearly showed us the thresholds of negative and positive behaviors.

Today she is bed ridden. She cannot sit up, or mover herself. Whenever someone asks her how she is she says "Shukar Alhamdolillah" (Thanks to Almighty Allah). I ask her twice or thrice a day if she thinks we are taking good care of her. She keeps telling us we are doing fine. She keeps telling us that her sickness is a test for all of us and she keeps mentioning how good she is feeling seeing her children around, taking care of her. I know life has been hard, I know she has gone through many tough times, but this is the hardest time I think. I wish and pray that she may recover as soon as possible. I know she is a woman of values and will. I know she will fight back her sickness. InshaAllah

This is not FAIR!

I am getting a sick feeling watching all these ABC whitening cream, XYZ whitening soap, …and now so many international brands claiming to bring out fairness with their improved formulae of fairness face wash, in this region if not anywhere else in the world. Oh please enough is enough. This is twenty first century and the world has gone much beyond skin color. Why on earth are we sticking to it? In one of the advertisements it implies if you use this fairness cream only then you will find a prince charming. In another it narrates as if all women want is fairness. Do all girls only dream to get married as soon as possible? and after using the whitening cream, soap or facewash the next thing that happens is “Baraat”. By the way even in the advertisements of household electronics or anything else all married women are always fair skinned. Thanks! But no thanks!

We live in Pakistan and we are always after the slogans of nationalism, patriotism, etc. We love to say we don’t want to be influenced by foreign culture. We claim our own culture is rich enough.  We never hesitate saying we got independence from British Colonialism and this has proved to the world that we do not accept any kind of slavery. But I am sorry to acknowledge this white skin craze is a result of colonized mindset. Looking down to our own skin color to me is something like looking down to my own identity. This skin color phenomena particularly among women has created a ridiculous hierarchy of beauty- a hierarchy that places the white skin at the top and dark at the bottom. A hierarchy that makes girls feel superior/inferior on the bases of something that is not even achieved or earned, something that is totally granted to them by nature and is not even permanent. I am sorry but please stop objectifying me in one way or the other.

On the other day a brother of two sisters was sitting in my office talking to me about how tough it is becoming now days for families of tradition to find suitable boys for their girls. He has tears in his eyes when he said my sisters are highly qualified, they are working and they are pious. Then at once he said “madam why didn’t you get married”… I could not think of another answer and I wanted to make him feel little better so I simply said “I didn’t get to know about the fairness creams and soaps in time”. Later on I thought this is not merely a joke rather there lies a truth somewhere in this statement. I agree this is not always the reason of girls being rejected for a marriage proposal, but believe me this is the top most reason in many cases around us.

We all keep telling our kids on the bases of religious, moral, ethical and all values that color does not matter. All the people around the world are equal and the only thing that makes one superior than other is good deeds and piousness (that also is subjectively defined by many of us but that’s beside the point). Coming back to the concept of equality, why can’t we simply let people live with at least this confidence that no matter how they look, they will get what they deserve? It is one of the basic ideas of human rights. No cast, religion, gender, race, ethnicity or color can redefine our right to live. If we keep strengthening such narratives as “…cream laganey se pehley mein thi yahan aur  ab hoon yahan”; “…whitening soap lagao aur chha jao” through our electronic and other media resources, and if we do not campaign to stop it believe me it will strengthen the warfare of “fairness”. I wish we had some formula in market to bring fairness to our life and to our behaviors instead of our skin.

Females as Leaders

(This piece was written in April for a magazine but was neither published nor refused until last week)

I have been involved in leadership discussions during last two weeks and then at the end I just got a chance to attend a leaders’ summit in Islamabad. Before I go ahead and talk about leadership qualities and traits I want to share one important feature of this summit. There were 36 male speakers and only five female speakers among the panelists. Yes the host was also a very smart and intelligent female, so there was a 1:6 ratio if I include her. Having this thought in my mind I turned round and looked at the Sheesh Mahal Hall of Serena Hotel where I think the whole gathering  did not have a bigger ratio of female audience or may be even lesser. The question in my mind was why? Why is it so, while a few months back I heard the rector of NUST claiming at an international forum that females are coming into research studies of practical fields more than men. This makes me think even deeper, not only about the gender differences but also about what is happening at higher education in Pakistan. These questions need further elaboration and research to be answered. Yet one answer that comes from my experience of last ten years in higher education is that in middle class families of Pakistan,men after fourteen or maximum sixteen years of schooling are supposed to get into economic activity. While within this class there are many “liberal-conservative” families who let their girls study as much as they want, and allow them to keep studying until they get married; but do not allow them to get into workforce. A woman’s earning is a source of disgrace for them.  Thus I find one reason and tell myself that if you sit in such a gathering of “professional leaders” definitely you will find more men than women. And yes if it was a gathering of development sector instead of more from business and corporate sector then the ratio could also have been different.

Let’s forget for a moment that how many females are there and how many more are ready to come. How many of them will find their way and how many of them will be lost in the chadar aur char diwari somewhere. Let us take a closer look at the leadership qualities and traits. Some decades back the trait theory of leadership was claiming that leaders are born with certain personality traits and that is why they lead; then the behaviorist theories brought in some more logical reasoning of stimulus response relationship to explain how in various situations people behave differently. Now in the age of postmodernism when we sit and talk about leadership the question is not if one can become a leader or not, the question is not about good or bad leadership the question is more about what sort of leader a person can be or will be. The assumption today is that everyone is and can perform as leader when the situation is so. Some people only show leadership skills under a crisis and some keep showing and applying their leadership skills in their everyday work and interactions, while some other lead in a way that they really make things happen that affect a larger group of people.

I am thinking now within Pakistani cultural context and trying to chart out what differentiates female leaders from male leaders; the first thing that comes to my mind is females’tendency of attending to minute details and not missing out anything that may create trouble later on. They might not be very good at vision crafting but they are very good at turning dreams into realities. They visualize a home decor and they turn this into reality with their art and aesthetic sense. They love to take a closer look and think of phenomenon in simple and comprehensible manner.  Females of this region are brought up with a sense of responsibility to play the significant role of mothers and home makers; so the role of family builder makes them good team builders too. They do not tend to work in isolation they work in collaboration and want the people around them to be involved and included in what they do.

Something that I wish to warn my fellow females is not to pretend or not to copy their male fellows. Just be what you are. Once you are out there in your practical fields you do not need to be like men. You only need to be strong and healthy minded women. Your strength is your feminine-hood. You can make miracles happen and you can bring such changes that men do not even dream about. Go ahead take the risk of leading like a woman and see how the world will be decorated with flowers and ornaments because of your sweet aesthetic sense. 

Children know to love...we teach them hatred

Every child loves to play and mingle with the beings around until is hurt by them
Every child looks straight into eyes and tries to relate until discouraged
Every child thinks people around are no different and believes in equality

Yet we teach children in our homes, schools, mosques, churches etc.
We teach them people are different and are not equal
We teach them not to relate to everyone
We teach them not to play or mingle with those who are different

We take away their reality of life which is full of love and fill their hearts n minds with our reality of life full of negativity...
We make them believe love is not worth it, hatred is...
We tell them another minor is killed every moment at one part of this world or the other just because s/he was different...

My side of the story...simple and straight

Since I was a child I saw Jang Daily newspaper in my home. Then I grew up and I asked my dad I want The News too. In late 90s I was doing M.Sc. when my teachers were telling everyday to read news papers and asking which ones do we read. As soon as I told Jang and The News they seemed satisfied, because according to them these two were the best and authentic sources of information in Pakistan.
Then began the period of electronic media and Geo was among the very first private news channels that were given licence. We used to listen to Geo News more than any other channel, my mother would always call from the kitchen and say "it is 9 pm please switch to Geo". Later one other news channel that was appreciated in my home was the Dawn News because they did not sensationalize every thing like many others.
When I was in UK and then in USA I always wanted to watch some Pakistani channel to keep myself updated; Geo news and Geo's talk shows were definitely top of the list because they never showed or published incomplete information based on only text messages of a reporter standing on the site of an incident; rather their reporting was complete and comprehensive. I was never a regular viewer of any one talk show, Hamid Mir's show was too political for me at times but I knew he is a daring person who does not hesitate in highlighting and opening up discussions on the issues that no one else dares to do. I kept visiting Pakistan in between and I was seeing other channels also competing strongly with their high quality programs. Journalists, Anchors and News analysts were doing a remarkable job. Yet I could smell a mafia developing there too and I mentioned it at times to my friends. There were very few analysts and anchors who had a clear position on the issues and they were doing the critique with evidence.
As a PhD scholar I have developed a perspective of my own. Now I agree and disagree to others'  narrative on the bases of my experience, knowledge and evidence. I do not agree to everything said by anyone. It is impossible. I can see people on various channels supporting or sabotaging certain agendas. The conspiracy theories in past 13 -14 few years have become a strong part of our common narrative on print and electronic media. We have made it a habit to put everything on foreign "agencies" and prove our "agencies" doodh ki dhulli. People like myself who have a little knowledge of international and national politics try to explain it to people, but the common narrative is not that easy to be negated.
In past few weeks first attack on Hamid Mir and then the issue of morning show in Geo has left me heart broken once again. Not because I like everything about this channel or that I agree to every word that Hamid Mir ever said; but only because the minds of our younger generation are once again being manipulated badly. We suffered in the ages when there were no electronic media available other than a national TV, our exposure to information was limited, so we could not develop our independent thinking. Today in the age of electronic media, social networking and open access through ICT, we are once again behaving so ignorantly... I don't know what else do we need to stop following political agendas blindly.

Sense of Security and Safety

I am a child I wish to be with those elders with whom I feel safe
I am a teenager I wish to be with those friends with whom I feel safe
I am an adult I wish to be in an environment in which I feel safe
I am professional I wish to have secured working conditions
I am a citizen I wish the governance to ensure my security and safety
I am an senior citizen I need a safe place to be at

Who are these people making my children threatened to go out and play in the play grounds
Who is making my teenagers feel unsafe
Who is harassing my young adults
Who is making my workforce feel insecure
Who is spoiling the good-governance
Who is making my senior citizens pray for death...

Whoever it is cannot be accepted and allowed to make my life miserable; if s/he is in my home, in my friends' circle, in my social circle, in my workplace, in my neighborhood or anywhere around me, or even if it is ME...I need to find him/her and tell "YOU are not acceptable; you have to change and be a person who gives others a sense of security and safety!"

Banning websites fb pages and now a channel...is it a solution?

This is Pakistan. Not the only country where social media websites are banned. Not the only country where voices are silenced. Not the only country where hegemonic bodies in several forms exist and are getting stronger with every passing day. The issue here is are we ok with it? Do we really think that anyone saying or doing anything that we don't want to listen or see should be banned. And is it really possible to ban or silence voices in this time of information technology. Everything is still accessible even if we ban it. Every narrative still exist seven if we deny. Every thought still flourishes even if we try to block it.
To me the only possible way today is inclusion of all thoughts and narratives into our conversations and discourse. Let people hear various voices, let people analyze and let them find out the reality themselves instead of forcing them to believe in the single reality that we want them to believe. Let the human minds be free and let the conversations, debates and discussions happen. Lets not be afraid of difference of opinion rather let's try and support our opinions with evidence and logical reasoning. Instead of imposing one opinion on all let the opinions be built on the bases of strong evidenciary warrants.
But for that we need to be true and confident that we will be able to provide the evidence or we will admit that we were wrong...

OLD HOUSES IN THE WEST

Lets take the glasses of biases off for a while... I have recently again heard the narrative of west being insensitive, having broken homes and children sending their parents to old houses instead of taking care of them in their old age. First of all this might not be the case at all...may be it is a choice of parents, may be they preferred living alone and when they could not do that anymore they opted to go to old houses... or there can be many other cases...
Ok for a while I agree that in our social and cultural values family is a very strong unit. But as the times are turning, men and women are getting into economic activity and life patterns are changing; parents at many homes are ignored and let me say it straight forwardly they are suffering in many cases. If it becomes excessively common issue and the state or some NGOs think of providing a shelter to the old people; I don't think this is to be seen only from one point of view that only shows the negative side of it. The very positive aspect of it is that state and the people who care, take the responsibility. The old houses I have visited are facilitated and giving these old citizens a very safe and healthy option to live. I know the love n care of family is something different and can not be altered; but in my personal opinion there is much exaggeration in our narrative of love and belongingness in our family system. I have seen old people on roads spending all day out in hot n cold weather, I have seen them working and I have seen them suffering. I wish our family structures may not break but they r breaking with the passage of time. The new generation is finding it difficult at times. Plus the parents themselves might want to take the option of living separately as they do in many cases. So why not to give them some other safe and healthy option. In the so called insensitive societies I have seen the peak of sensitivity shown by many for example when a young couple was celebrating their wedding at a old house and all the people living in the old house were so happy that day...

Two claims that amaze me

I have often heard Pakistani people saying we have "talent" more than any other nation in the world. This claim is so amazing. First of all I don't how and on what bases is this analysis made. In my view there are talented people everywhere around the world. Intellect and God gifted special talents are in every corner wherever human beings live. The people who believe in this myth keep saying this and getting into a false satisfaction. A country where water, gas and almost all other resources are wasted day and night, the human resource has also been wasted to its max. We definitely have many intelligent and "talented" people but we have yet not been able to develop such education system as well as job market or any other mechanism where people could use their intellect and talent and make a real difference. Only a few with very strong nerves and will, go through all challenges and reach their larger goals in life.

Second claim is that west learnt everything from us and especially they applied the rules and teachings of our religion. I am not a religious scholar but in my view every other religion of the world gave almost the same basic human values. Every messenger of God gave the message of peace, humanity, equality, social justice, brotherhood and a lot more. So this is not just one religion this is basic human values. Anyway even if the west learnt a lot many things from us now we need to realize that we are in stagnation since long so this claim will lose its value if we do not develop further. At least for half a century we have only been teaching and learning theories and researches of west in most of our higher education institutions.

I think it is time to come out of the denial and face the reality... realization and acceptance is the first step towards the solution of the problems...lets do it and then move on!